


Perfect?

by Ipomia



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Maxine "Max" Caulfield Still Has Powers, Social Anxiety, Third Ending: Save Chloe Price and Arcadia Bay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25871167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ipomia/pseuds/Ipomia
Summary: Max saved everyone. Even William. By altering the past at just the right points, she managed to prevent the storm and keep everyone safe. But her actions were not without consequence. A perfect world was one where Max couldn't remember anything from the past five years. Now, she would just have to pick up the shattered pieces of her life and move forward.
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Victoria Chase
Comments: 82
Kudos: 123





	1. From Scratch

Chloe was safe. The storm didn't come. I even managed to spare William and Rachel and went the extra mile to make sure Rachel and Chloe ended up together. Oh, and I made sure Jeffershit went down pretty much as soon as he got to Arcadia Bay. Might've even caught that one early enough to spare Nathan his evil influence.

Basically, everything was perfect. I managed to use my powers to make sure _everyone_ lived and no one got hurt. But where did that leave me? Here I was, stuck in a foreign reality with friends I didn't know, and the people I did know, didn't know me.

Chloe was gone, too. She left for L.A. with Rachel. A full scholarship to some big-name college for her to continue her science studies while Rachel continued to pursue her dreams of fame and fortune. I wished them both the best and hated it so much that I just wanted to curl up in a ball and stop existing altogether.

I put what pieces I could together by using my journal, texts, and social media. This reality was closer to the one where Chloe was paralyzed. Why wouldn't it be? I did spare William, after all. Apparently, I was a Vortex Club mega-bitch again. But I didn't get a mulligan this time. I wouldn't dare throw this reality where no one got hurt away. If my happiness was the only casualty of my power… well, that was a price I was more than willing to pay.

Still, I had to pick up the shattered pieces of myself and the realities I destroyed to get to this point. Healing my relationship with my parents shouldn't be too hard. Pulling my grades up from abysmal to their usual mediocre standard would just take time and dedication. Putting my social life back together with five years of memories that didn't match reality? That… was going to be a challenge.

I had to figure out what to do to repair my relationships with my old friends, not to mention try to maintain those with my current clique. They weren't bad people—not even Nathan. I knew that. But I had spent months building these relationships and getting to know them. Months that I didn't remember. Not even a little. Worse, according to my social media page, I was in a relationship. As best as I could tell, it wasn't just some fling, either.

Reality set in, leaving me feeling empty and cold. I just killed someone's girlfriend. There was no blood or violence, but that person I was just an hour ago? She's gone. Without a trace. In her place was this broken husk of a girl with memories no one else remembered.

I shattered my own life to save the lives of everyone I cared about. And not one of them would ever realize any of it. People were alive now that wouldn't be. They would never know that or that I was the one who made it happen. They just got to live their happy lives while I tried to start mine over from scratch.

* * *

After getting my thoughts and goals in order, I set in motion a plan on where to start fixing things. I called Chloe, spoke to Rachel—damn was she amazing. They were so happy in L.A. It made me feel so happy and so fucking terrible. Next, I called my parents to apologize for being a bitch and to let them know I was going to focus hard on my studies until my grades were well above the point I needed to keep my scholarship.

Then, I headed out to a place I could center myself. American Rust was bittersweet for me. This was Rachel's not-so-final resting place. The place where Chloe was shot, twice. The place where Jefferson drugged me before dragging me to the Dark Room. But this was also Chloe and Rachel's haven. This is where I protected Chloe and started repairing the bond I so cowardly damaged. This is where I decided that it wasn't just going to be Max and Chloe taking over Arcadia Bay, but Max, Chloe, and Rachel.

I guess, even in a perfect world, that couldn't happen. I checked the hideout. It was actually in better shape than before. They finished throwing slats up to complete the roof and left a little battery-powered lantern hanging from the ceiling. It was cleaner than I remembered—Rachel's influence, no doubt. Though the dartboard was missing along with some of the posters. It made me wonder how much of their hideout they took with them back to L.A. Beneath where the dartboard was, my own name had a few tally marks, though not as many as Chloe.

Part of the reason I came in here was to add my name to the wall again. But right below _Rachel was here_ was, in my own writing, _Max was here_ once again finished out the graffiti trio. I was here in this timeline before. But now they weren't. They were in love, happy in a city a state away. My insides twisted painfully as I realized the karmic poetry of the situation. After all, wasn't this the exact thing Chloe agonized over for years? Only, Chloe was better than me. She actually still talked to my worthless ass.

I left. I had to. That was their sanctuary, and I was trying to live vicariously through them. I had to face my own life, to put it back together piece by piece. Would I be able to put everything back together? And, even if I did, just what monstrosity would my life look like?

My stumbling stopped when I saw a different monstrosity. One that filled me with nostalgia and a peace I hadn't felt since I came back from that last jump to prevent Chloe's accident. It was her truck. That old junker she fixed up herself. Of course, in this reality, she never needed to. Her parents bought her a truck for her sweet sixteen. It was years older than when Chloe tried to breathe life into it. It cost her thousands to keep it running into 2013. Could I really revive it? Should I?

Yes.

I added another task to my list of things to do to reclaim my life in this broken, perfect reality. It didn't matter that I didn't know the first thing about engines or cars in general. In that moment, all I wanted in the world—other than have Chloe in my arms—was to revive this rusted beast. This vehicle held so many memories. Memories only I had. Even if it was an inanimate object, I felt as though maybe, just maybe, it could remember, too.

I opened up the front door and popped the hood. Inside, all I saw was metal and tubes and… things. This was not going to be easy if it could be done at all. Maybe someone at Blackwell knew cars well enough to teach me?

"What the hell, Max?" I jumped, at the sharp, harsh voice. Turning, I saw Victoria stomping toward me with a frown chiseled into her face. "You couldn't have given me a heads up that this was a fucking junkyard?"

My girlfriend. In this reality, at least. I felt a great emptiness take hold as I remembered that I didn't remember anything that mattered. My face locked up when I tried to smile. I just couldn't do it, so I hung my head.

I shoved my head back under the hood, just so I wouldn't have to face her. Why did it have to turn out like this? This whole situation was too fucked up.

"Are you not talking to me now?" Her voice was softer, an air of vulnerability in her tone. "Look, I brought the—"

My hand raised between us to cut her off. "I… want to ask you a question, and I want an honest answer from you. No bullshit."

Her hand fell on my shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. "Anything, Max."

"Would you still want to… to be with me if you had to start all over again? Even if it meant you didn't get the same girl you knew before. Just… a broken echo of who you once knew?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Answer me!" I shouted, not able to keep my shit together.

She frowned. Then, her slender hand took hold of my chin as she pressed her lips to mine. It caught me off guard. I couldn't even think to reciprocate before she pulled me away. "A thousand times, Max."

Part of me was sickened. As though the kiss were some betrayal of Chloe. The logical part of my brain knew that wasn't the case. Chloe was with Rachel, now. Engaged, even. The other part couldn't help but revel in the tingling sensation still hanging on my lips and the sincerity of her words.

"Then… then we'll start from scratch, Victoria," I muttered, my fingers tracing over my lips.

"What the fuck, 'from scratch?'"

"That envelope in your pocket," I said, stepping away from her as I wrapped my arms around myself. "I asked you to bring it so I could prove something to you."

Victoria withdrew the envelope, literally sealed with a kiss—her pink lipstick showing on the seal. "You told me to write something unique, put in three random words, and put a random item in here and bring it to you here at a fucking junkyard. Still don't know what the hell this is about, but—"

"I love you," I said, cutting her off. "I asked for three random words, those weren't random." Victoria's brow furrowed as she looked between me and the envelope. "The message is a love letter, and… it's one of the sweetest things I've ever read. And there's a picture in there. One of us together where I'm kissing your cheek."

"Okay, how the fuck did you know that?" she asked, waving the envelope at me.

"When you first walked up to the truck, you gave me the letter. I opened it and read it," I told her.

Her eyebrow raised and she shook her head. "No, you didn't."

"I did. It made me feel like shit, and then I reversed time so that you never gave it to me. That's why I asked you that question," I explained.

"Max, I don't know what this game is, but—"

"This isn't a fucking game!" I snapped at her, causing her to recoil physically. "I fucked with time. You need to believe me because I'm not rewinding again. You have _no_ idea how dangerous it is for me to use my power!"

Victoria stared at her envelope for a long moment. I didn't know what to expect from her, but I would never have imagined her to force the envelope into my hands and say, "I meant every word, Max. I trust you. I… really don't know how to believe you, but I trust you."

"Let's… get out of here," I said. I turned back to the truck, slamming the hood shut.

Without another word between us, Victoria took me by the hand and led me back to her luxury car. She let me in the passenger side before rounding the car and getting behind the wheel. The car started, but she made no move to actually put the car in gear and take off. Instead, she turned the radio off and looked over at me. "Talk to me. If you need a little chemical assistance, I have a joint in the glovebox."

I took a deep breath in and out as I tried to organize my thoughts. "That question I asked you. It wasn't hypothetical. I meant it."

Her frown deepened. "What, about starting over from scratch? Max, whatever you did, I know I can forgive you." She reached over, her hand taking mine. I felt her thumb trace circles on my wrist. "I know you."

"No," I responded as I jerked my hand away from her's. "You don't know me. And I don't know you."

She blinked. And again. Her hand reached up, tugging at her emerald eyes. "Max, what're you talking about?" she asked, her voice hitching at the end.

"I don't remember anything, Victoria. I don't know how or when we met. I don't remember when we became friends. I don't remember when we became more than friends. I don't remember our first kiss. I don't remember if we've done more than kiss," I said, my words rushing out of my mouth. "I just… the _only_ things I know about this reality is what I read in my journal, my texts, and what was on our social media pages. That's it!"

Victoria's head shook slightly as she absorbed everything I said. Her eyes bored into me, emanating a concern and kindness that seemed so alien coming from her. "I-I… Are you saying you have some kind of amnesia?"

I hung my head as my hands picked at my jeans. Inside, I felt my heart pick up just a bit as it got harder to breathe. "No. I have all of my memories. I just don't have any of your Max's memories." It was the truth. That fact did little to comfort me, given that Victoria wouldn't understand even a little.

"You are my Max," she said. Her hand reached out for me again, and again I flinched away. Not only did she pull it back like it had been burned, the anguish on her face told me that it did hurt. Physically.

"I'm not," I said, doing everything in my power to keep my voice from cracking. "Your Max is gone, and she's never coming back. All that's left is… me." I looked up, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall as I drew a ragged breath in. "I fucked with time. My abilities… my powers let me do that." I closed my eyes. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't see Victoria. "This picture," I said, holding the still-sealed envelope, blindly holding it out to her. "When was it taken?"

"A-a couple of months ago," I heard Victoria say. The envelope pulled away from my limp fingers, and I heard the rasping of tearing paper. "Our first date."

"If I… If I focused on that picture enough, I would go back to that moment and possess my earlier self. Just for a couple of minutes, but enough for me to change things," I explained. "For example, if I snapped at you. Made you hate me so we never dated." Finally lowering my gaze, I looked at the time on the clock: 12:57. "When my time in the past ended, I would come back to this exact moment. Twelve fifty-seven on October 13th. But it would be a different world. I wouldn't be in your car, because you wouldn't have been my girlfriend and I wouldn't have had you write that note. You wouldn't remember any of this, but I would remember everything up to the moment I went back, the couple of minutes I spent there, then I would be in the present again. But the two months between?" I looked over, making eye contact with Victoria. "I didn't experience them, so even though I would've acted like I should, I can't remember what happened."

Victoria's jaw clenched tight as she stared hard at me. "And I'm supposed to just believe that?"

"I can't make you believe me," I said, "and I won't demonstrate my power again. It's too dangerous."

I watched as her gaze tore away to look out the windshield. "I… You wouldn't lie to me like this. I know that, but I just… I can't believe this shit."

"I fucked up. I know." My hands balled up into fists in my lap. "But I… I had to. I erased the last five years of my life to save a life. Five years versus decades. And I-I'm not dead. Just different, with different memories. Broken."

"What the fuck, five years?" When Victoria turned her face back to me, I saw tears streaking down her cheeks, cutting through her layers of makeup.

I breathed in, and out. It did next to nothing to ease the pressure in my chest. "I had to go that far back. To save everyone and maintain my friendship with Chloe." A bitter laugh found its way out of my chest. "I guess I didn't think that one through. Fuck. Another five years apart. Even in this world, I couldn't get that shit right."

"Max, you're rambling," Victoria said, her hand again trying to take one of mine.

This time, I didn't pull it away, though I didn't return the reassuring squeeze she gave me. "I don't expect you to understand. I don't even expect you to really believe me. So let's just… start from scratch?"

A ghost of a smile touched her lips as more tears slipped from her eyes. "Like I have a choice?"

* * *

I didn't know there was a little cafe in the better part of town, where all the fancy houses sat secluded in the wooded hills overlooking us peasants in Arcadia Bay. It was a nice, little shop. Both cozy and quiet. Aside from Vic—something she insisted I call her—and me, there were only four other people. And that was counting the barista. If it weren't for the exorbitant prices and secluded location, I might have considered this my new hangout. Vic must've known I would love this place. Maybe I did, and I just couldn't remember.

"You don't like it?" Vic asked, twisting her cup in her hands as she looked at me. I could see something in her eyes, but I couldn't wrap my head around it. Just that it made me sad.

I took a sip, and a wonderful burst of coffee, cinnamon, and spices bit my tongue with the familiar sweetness of sugar. "It's really good!" I said, more than a little surprised at just how much I liked it.

"It's your favorite… or it was." This time, Vic's gaze tore away from me as she stared down at her own cup. "I suggested you try it. You really don't remember?"

Taking another sip did little to clear the lump in my throat. "I… I told you. All my memories are wrong. Nothing in the past five years matches reality." I gave my head a little shake. "I'm so—"

"Stop it!" she snapped at me. "Stop telling me you're sorry!"

"So—I… I mean… Okay."

"Tch," she leaned back, an arm hanging over the back of her chair as she held her drink in her other hand. "Was it really worth it? Just answer me that. You willingly set your life on fire, and for… what, exactly?"

I hesitated. Did she really want to know all the fucked up shit? No. No one wanted to open that box of nightmares. Sure, it was in an enticing package, alluring to those who didn't know the mindfuck within. That Pandora's Box should stay inside my head so that my mind was the only victim of that rot.

"It was worth it. I'd have died for this outcome," I said, struggling to keep my voice firm to try and impress the fact that I was resolute. "I get to live, too. Even if I am a stranger to the world and to myself."

She frowned at that. Her brow furrowed and she leaned forward, staring me down like a predator that had it's quarry cornered. "You dodged the question."

I shrunk under her gaze. 'I…" My mind struggled to come up with a lie, a distraction, anything. Nothing came, so I gave as generic response as I could come up with, "Everyone is alive in this timeline. No one died. It's worth it."

That gained me an inquisitive look as a perfectly-manicured eyebrow rose. "Who died?"

_Everyone._

"I… five years ago, Chloe's dad would've died in a car accident. That's why I went so far back. To save him. To spare Chloe that pain." It was the truth or at least a part of it.

Vic set her coffee down and crossed her arms over her chest. Though I didn't think it possible, her frown deepened. "You didn't say 'he is alive' or 'he didn't die,'" she pointed out, her eyes watching my every move. "You said 'everyone' and 'no one.'"

Images of the storm crashed through my mind. Houses, filled with innocent people, being ripped into the air and shattered to dust. Chloe getting shot. Victoria pleading for her life on the floor next to me in the Dark Room. Rachel's rotten corpse.

I tried to blink back the tears, but I couldn't make them stop. "Everyone." Dropping my cup on the table, my hands rose to my face. Sobs escaped me as I hunched over. "Everyone died. I killed them all. Or-or got them killed! Everyone!"

Just as I surrendered to the tightness in my throat and cried, I felt a pair of slender arms circle around me and draw me in. I couldn't help but to latch onto the fleeting comfort, wailing incoherently into her designer sweater. For an ice queen, Victoria was so warm. She cooed soft words to me as she held me.

It took me a couple of minutes for me to compose myself. I just had to keep reminding myself that no one died. None of that nightmare was real anymore. It was erased. I erased it.

Once I got my shit together, I pulled away from Vic. Snatching some napkins from the table, I wiped at my face and blew my nose.

"Come on," Victoria said as she latched on to my wrist and led me from the table. Her voice wasn't demanding, it had more warmth than that, but still, I couldn't muster any resistance and let her lead me away.

As with the rest of the upscale cafe, the women's restroom was both pristine and well-stocked. It even smelled nice, having a strange combination of lavender and coffee. I washed my face in one sink while Victoria struggled to get my snot and tears out of her sweater. Every few seconds, I could hear her mutter some curse.

"Sorry," I muttered, drying my face as I chanced a glance over at her.

"I told you, you don't need to keep apologizing to me," Vic replied, her verdant eyes never leaving the mirror where she studied her sweater. "If anything, I should apologize. I pushed too hard. Just… you can tell me when you feel ready, okay?"

"Okay."

I left the bathroom and went back to sip my now lukewarm coffee while Victoria touched up her makeup. Sitting there, I couldn't even bear to look up. There was no telling how many of the people here saw my meltdown. I couldn't help but to feel humiliated.

_I embarrassed Victoria, too._

"I'm such a fuckup," I muttered.

"It's nothing the cleaners can't fix," Victoria said as she took her seat across me. She sighed, her shoulders rising and falling in perfect posture. "You, on the other hand, may take some work."

"Sorr—I mean…" I just hung my head in defeat. Any words other than apologies completely eluded me.

I felt her hand on mine. "How can I help you?"

My eyes stayed glued to our hands for probably totally too long. I could hardly believe this was the same Victoria. She was so nice and patient and… warm. "I… why don't you tell me about, you know, anything in the past five years?"

I swear I saw a pained look on her face for a split-second before she gave my hand a squeeze and smiled. "What do you want to know?"

Pulling my hand back, I nursed my drink with both hands, trying everything I could to just disappear behind the cup. "How did we… I mean, how did you meet your Max?"

She sneered at my mention of her Max, but just what the expression meant was lost on me. "We met in the dorms on move-in day. Of course, I already had my room, since I was a returning student. I hated you at first sight."

That got a smile out of me. At least something in this timeline made sense. "Now, that sounds familiar. In the original timeline, you marched into my dorm to assert your dominance or some shit. You pretty much just spent five minutes telling me how much better you were than me and poking fun at my pictures."

She frowned. "That's… not how it happened at all. Rachel was flaunting you around the dorms. I was… jealous. Here was this lame, little hipster from Seattle, and already you were best friends with the most popular girl in school."

"I guess if I kept in touch with Chloe, I would've been friends already with Rachel, too," I surmised, trying to imagine what that might've been like. Wait. "That doesn't make sense, though. Rachel graduated by the time I would've come to Blackwell, right?"

Victoria's brow furrowed, "Rachel was only a year ahead of us."

"Yeah, but I didn't get into Blackwell until senior year."

She blinked. Twice. "Max, you got into Blackwell during our junior year."

"What?" That was… news. Did Chloe or Rachel someone convince me to get into Blackwell earlier? That would've been before they got famous for their big arts expansion. But after the funding. I bet they did convince me to come. That would even explain some of the stuff at the hideout. The three of us probably had a blast together before Rachel and Chloe graduated. Memories I'd never know.

I caught sight of Victoria reaching toward me, causing me to flinch away. I wiped my face, smearing away a couple of tears that slipped free. Victoria withdrew her hand, looking away. "I… I'll try to keep my hands to myself," she muttered.

That made me feel even worse. I was uncomfortable in social situations, and even more uncomfortable with all the touching Victoria kept trying to do. Still, I was supposed to be her girlfriend in this timeline. It was supposed to be normal for her to do those things. For me to do those things for her. But it all felt so… alien.

"I'm sorry." I flinched as soon as the words left my mouth. It really was like those were the only words I could say. "J-just take it slow. Okay?"

"Sure, Max."


	2. Blackwell's Queen

When we got back to Blackwell, Victoria released her seatbelt and started to turn toward me, but she stopped herself before settling on a neutral posture. She sighed.

"Did I… do something wrong?" I asked, trying to gauge her expression.

"No, it's just…" Victoria sighed again. "Usually we'd make out a little whenever we got back before we had to get out of the car and go back to… normal."

I felt a heat in my face, burning through to my ears and settling in my chest. "Was our… relationship a secret?"

"An open secret," Victoria said. "Officially, we're just friends. Anything more than that might cause Blackwell's higher-ups to shove yet another stick up their tight asses and take it out on us."

"Who knows?"

"Outside of the Vortex Club and everyone on our floor? I'd guess just about everyone," Victoria said as she lowered her visor to open the mirror there and look at herself. "Open secret, Max. A bunch of stuck-up old geezers can't do shit about rumors. So as long as faculty or security don't see us fucking, we're fine."

The fire in me exploded into an inferno. "We… we've d-done… you know. Those things?"

An angry flip of Victoria's wrist sent the visor crashing into the ceiling. She turned to me, her emerald eyes piercing into me with emotions I just couldn't place. "You mean fucked? Yeah, Max. We have."

My stomach churned and I felt like I was going to throw up. I wasn't disgusted by the information. I couldn't even really place the emotions rolling through me. "Oh," was all I could manage to say. What else could I possibly say? That I was a virgin? That unsettling feeling in my stomach returned as it dawned on me that only my mind was a virgin. This body had been through a different five years than the original.

Hugging myself, I leaned back in the supremely comfortable leather seat feeling extremely uncomfortable. "Victoria, trust me when I say do _not_ fuck with time. Shit."

"Come on. I'm not calling you Maxine," Victoria quipped as she opened her door and stepped out.

_Right. I'm supposed to call her Vic. She likes that._

"Sorry, Vic," I muttered, reluctantly undoing the seat belt and stepping out of the coziest, most comfy car I'd ever been in. It took me until after I closed the car door to realize that Victo—Vic was leaning against the car, just waiting for me. Even after I closed the car door, she just hung out there, like she was waiting for something.

"So… uh, should we go in?" I asked, thumbing over my shoulder in the direction of the dorms.

Vic scoffed, doting on her flawless nails. "You're asking me?"

"Yes?" I replied. Somehow, I felt like she was trying to give me cues and my awkward ass just couldn't understand.

"If that's what you want to do, Max," Vic replied. She shuffled there a bit looking… uncomfortable? Anxious?

I grabbed my arm with a hand, an almost subconscious action that made me feel a little less insecure. "I guess I have a few loose ends that still need tying up," I surmised. "Gotta try to patch up things with Warren and Kate."

Victoria raised an eyebrow and scoffed. "Warren and Kate? You mean that science geek that does your homework and the church girl?"

"They're my friends…" The words died in my throat as I was reminded of their falsehood. "They were my friends. And really good people."

"Tch. Nathan and Taylor are really good people. Those two virgins redefine loser-geek and bible-bitch," Victoria replied. For just a moment, she stood again before me as Blackwell's icy queen.

I gave a curt turn, putting my gaze on the dorms in the distance. "I'd rather watch movies with Warren or have tea with Kate than go to any Vortex Club party."

Almost as soon as I started walking, Victoria was on my heels. "Your other timeline must be a lot more different than I imagined."

"Victor—Vic, are you really going to tell me you don't like anime, or that you wouldn't love to put on your fancy clothes and have a quiet cup of tea with good company?"

"Well… I—" Vic struggled to come up with a coherent response. A faint smile bit my lip hearing her at a loss for words. "Okay, I can see the romance of an old-fashioned tea party. Fine. But anime?"

My face scrunched up as I remembered her glow-in-the-dark figurine. Could this timeline be so different? "So, you're telling me you don't have anime figurines stashed in your dorm room?"

This time, Victoria rushed in front of me, making me stop. Her face glowed red enough for me to see it through her makeup. "I-I never—! Did you snoop around in my room?"

"Technically, yes," I replied. Oh my Dog, she was so embarrassed. Why did I not bring that up in the original timeline? "Not in this timeline… or at least not that I would be able to remember, anyway."

Slowly, Victoria regained her composure and stepped aside. "It-it's a guilty pleasure. A shameful secret!" she hissed as I walked up and she fell in step beside me. Well, about a pace behind me, actually.

"So you can have sex with me, but not tell me that you like anime like pretty much everyone else?" I asked, looking back at her over my shoulder.

"Like you tell me all your secrets?" Victoria bit back.

My blood cooled, and I hugged myself again as I tried to block out the memories that demanded to be seen. "Victoria, you are literally the only person on the whole fucking planet that knows about my power. I haven't even told Chloe… I really don't look forward to that conversation."

As we walked up to the dorms, I saw familiar faces. And, strangely enough, virtually everyone greeted me as I passed. I tried to reciprocate, but it quickly weighed on my social anxiety. I just tucked myself in close and made a beeline for the steps. There, sitting in the way, was Taylor.

"Max! Tori!" She greeted us with a big smile as she made sure to give us a wide berth. "How'd the date go?"

It felt like reality shattered. Already frazzled, I now had to diffuse this social nuclear bomb. How had I not thought to come up with some kind of plan with Victoria about this? We were supposed to be a couple!

"We're, uh…" Victoria spoke up, her voice wavering, "we're taking some time apart." Part of me hoped she was a really good actress. Part of me feared that I had truly hurt her. All of me was guilty as shit about how relieved I was at Victoria giving me such a good fucking out.

I tried to speak up. Say something about how we were starting over from scratch. Instead, my brain just jumped at the first out of this conversation that popped into my mind. "So, how's your mom doing?" I asked, wincing just a bit as I realized that things might not have all lined up with all the things I changed.

Taylor tore her gaze away from Victoria and she glanced at me before looking down. "She… the recovery is going really well. They say she might get discharged later in the week," she said. As the words spilled out, she seemed to brighten up. Though, she kept giving sad glances over at Victoria.

"I'm glad," I said.

"Yeah… me too," Taylor replied, this time her tone sinking into listlessness.

The urge to flee this social disaster became overwhelming as I started up the steps and reached for the door. "I, uh, I think I'm just gonna go to my room and decompress."

"Of course," Taylor said.

When I went through the door, it wasn't just Victoria following me. Taylor came in, too. I guess it made sense. After all, she was Victoria's right-hand woman. Her best friend. She would want to be there for Victoria after she told the half-lie.

The trip up to our floor proved excruciating. I kept hearing them whisper behind me, and even though I knew it was all about our supposed "break up," it still caused a short-circuit in my self-conscious brain. My anxiety threatened to overflow by the time we entered the hallway. There, Dana was talking to Kate. And as much as I longed to try to catch up and glean what information I could from them or even just try to restart my friendship with Kate, I couldn't bear another minute of socializing. I brushed by them and went straight to my room. Thankfully, Victoria and Taylor hung back once they made it to Victoria's room.

The moment I got in my room, I slammed the door shut, threw off my shoes, and jumped onto my bed. I grabbed my pillow and my stuffed bear and cuddled up into the blankets. I couldn't make a fort to protect me from the outside world but damned if I couldn't cocoon. Just make it all go away—even if just for a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This puts an end to my buffer. From here out I'll just post as the chapters are completed. I'm trying to do a Vic chapter. If I give up on that, I'll swap back to Max. Time will tell.


	3. Plastic Memory

I face-planted onto my bed as soon as I got to my room. Only after accepting the embrace of my pillowy soft mattress did I realize I just probably stained my blankets with my makeup. "Fuck me," I muttered into the bedding.

"Tori, what the fuck happened?" Taylor asked as she sat on the mattress next to me. I felt her hand on my back, tracing small circles on my back. "You and Max are like the biggest power couple in Blackwell's history. And I… I know you two really care for each other."

The fuck was I supposed to say? I still wasn't completely convinced of Max's time travel bullshit, but there wasn't another explanation, either. She was able to tell me exactly what was in the envelope. The sealed envelope that I never told a goddamn soul what was in it. Throwing myself off the bed, I stormed over to my purse and pulled out that damned love letter I slaved over, that I poured my soul into to enlighten my most precious person just how I really felt. And now… now she said that all those memories were gone. Erased.

Grasping the paper between my fingers, I pulled. But no matter how hard I tried, I just didn't have the strength to tear it apart. I clutched it to my chest.

"Fuck!" I shouted as sobs began to escape my lips. Stumbling back to my bed, I sat there by Taylor. And there I sat, crying as I stared at the stationary in my hand. After a while, Taylor reached for it. I didn't stop her. Maybe she had the strength to shred it that I seemed to lack.

I went through a dozen tissues by the time Taylor read the note, but at least I had somewhat composed myself. "Tori, this… I don't…" Taylor sighed. "This is like the sweetest thing ever. Why would Max break up with you over this?"

"I don't…" My mind trailed back to what she said at that godforsaken junkyard. "I think that note is the only reason Max even considered giving me another chance."

"Another chance? I thought you two broke up?" Taylor said, putting a hand on my arm.

To center myself, I took a deep breath in and out. It did little to ease the crushing pressure in my chest. "We agreed to start over. From scratch."

Taylor gave me a strange look. "How the fuck is that supposed to work? I mean, there's so much history between you two—"

"Shut the fuck up!" I snapped, pushing Taylor away. "Get out!"

"Vic…" Taylor stood, looking down at me. "I don't…"

"Just leave!" I shouted, burying my face in my hands. "Just…"

"I-I'll be right down the hall, okay?" Taylor said as she fled from my room.

The sound of the door closing brought me some sense of relief. It wasn't that I didn't want my best friend to comfort me, just that she couldn't possibly understand what the fuck was going on. _I_ didn't understand it.

I went over to my desk and pulled out the first drawer. Inside were dozens of Polaroids that Max had given me. _My_ Max. A girl that vanished without a trace, replaced by some fucking pod person version that didn't remember anything. She didn't share our memories. She didn't share our feelings. But there wasn't an "our" anymore.

She was gone.

Tears started to fall anew as I stared at the Polaroids she'd taken and given to me. My Max. In her place was this Max that wasn't my Max. She really wasn't kidding. It really was like she was a broken echo of the girl I knew. The same face, same soft voice, even the same mannerisms. But she wasn't the same. The thing that hurt the most was that she would never be my Max.

She was gone.

I slammed the drawer full of memories shut. It hurt. Months of memories, and no one to share them with. How was it any different from her being dead? Replaced by some long lost twin. Just like her, but different. And none of the memories that we shared. Memories that were now mine, and mine alone.

Because she was gone.

A frustrated scream left me, surely loud enough to be heard by the whole dorm. I didn't care. If no one was going to cry for my Max, they should at least witness the anguish. How could she even be erased like that? To just forget everything in a flash. Memories didn't even work that way.

My sobs ceased as a spark ignited a small flame of hope in my mind. Memories _didn't_ work that way. If she was my Max, the girl I fell in love with, those memories had to exist _somewhere_. I raced to open my laptop. There had to be a way to unlock them. There had to be a way to bring them back—to bring her back.

She wasn't gone.

* * *

As much as I longed to hide in my room, I just couldn't escape. My phone kept buzzing, a consequence of being in the Vortex Club, no doubt. I didn't give up until I heard a shout from somewhere in the dorms, more distorted than muffled by the thin walls. With a groan, I picked up my phone.

Gossip traveled fast.

The vast majority of the texts were about my breakup with Victoria. Her little lie to protect me really blew up. I really didn't want to get trapped in a web of lies, so I ignored most of them. Instead, I composed a text to Victoria.

[Me]  
[You really saved my ass earlier with Taylor. Thanks. We should probably go with that story until we… you know.]

I stared at the text. Unwilling to hit the send button. Thanking Victoria for saving my ass was something I really needed to do, but just what were we going to do? Date? I knew the person I was loved her, and she still loved that person. But I… wasn't her. I loved Chloe, a woman a state away who was literally engaged to her highschool sweetheart.

[Me]  
[You really saved my ass earlier with Taylor. Thanks. We should probably stick with that story.]

The send button was pressed, and I felt like an asshole. It didn't take long for the reply to come. Cold and concise.

[Vic]  
[Sure, Max.]

It made me feel… empty.

I felt like I had to do something, but I didn't have a clue as to what. Talking to Victoria would have to come sooner or later. It wasn't hard to convince myself that she probably needed some time alone. After all, I was a weasely, little coward. I literally already made up with Chloe after five years of silence. Now, it was the same situation all over again, and I still couldn't work up the courage to actually tell her about it. I even told Chloe that this would happen during the last jump to prevent her accident.

"The fuck is wrong with me?" I muttered as I held my head in my hands.

A soft knock sounded at my door and my heart clenched painfully in my chest. I almost couldn't decide if I was hoping for or dreading Victoria at my door. When I opened it, I found a familiar face I didn't expect. "Warren?"

He held up his backpack. "I brought your homework," he said, giving me a weird, lopsided smile. "Is, uh, is this a bad time?"

_Yes._

"It's fine," I muttered, stepping back and motioning for him to come in.

He hesitated, looking at me with wide eyes. "Seriously?"

This must've been because of my supposed break up with Victoria. Well, I guess it kind of was an actual breakup, if I were honest about it. "Just… come in already."

Warren practically jumped into my room. The moment he passed me by, his eyes wandered all around my room as if he were some tourist lost in the city. Had he never been in my dorm room before? When I sat back down on my bed, the sound seemed to snap him out of his daze.

"Oh!" He opened his pack, pulling out a folder and extending it toward me. "Science and math homework for this week."

Not really having a choice, I took it before opening it up. It was all typed out with my name at the top. He really did all my homework for me, as Courtney did for Victoria. Just how much more of an asshole could I possibly be?

"Uh… it's all A+ material. I promise," Warren said, scratching the back of his head.

I really needed to set this situation right. And I could probably kill two birds with one stone, too. "Warren, next time—"

"Sorry!" he cut me off with an apology. "I knew it wasn't a good time. I just…" Warren pointed over at the door. "I'll go."

I stood as he started retreating toward the door. "Wait."

He stopped dead but didn't turn back toward me. "Uh… Y-yeah?"

"I was just…" I clutched the folder to my chest. "Next time, instead of you just doing my work for me, could you help me do it myself? I do still have to pass the tests."

"Sure, Max!" Warren said, spinning around with a smile on his face. "Just call me. Any time. I mean it."

"Yeah," I replied. My sorry attempt at a smile in turn fell flat as his smile faded away. "I'll text you, okay?"

"Okay," he said, backing away toward the door. "I, uh, I'll go now."

Warren left, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Today wore me down already, but at least now I was well on my way to patching things up with Warren and to improving my grades. That just left two very large obstacles that I needed to address. I would have to find a way to approach Kate, who as far as I could tell, was a stranger to me in this reality. And I still had to tell Chloe that we lost another five years between us.

I sighed again, mindlessly tossing the folder Warren gave me onto my bed. So how the hell was I going to approach Kate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. I know I'm bad at Victoria. >_< I tried.
> 
> Anyway, I promise the next chapter will have some nice moments between Victoria and Max. I know this one kind of sucked in that regard, too. But Max does have more messes to clean up than just the main one.


	4. Monster

It took the better part of an hour, but I finally managed to work up the courage to walk over and stand in front of Kate's door. And there I stood, just staring at the door like the total dork I was. The only thing that gave me the courage to knock was the fact that people were starting to stare at me, and if I didn't do something, I'd look like even more of an awkward nobody. What did Chloe or Victoria ever even see in me?

The door creaked open, and when Kate saw me, her eyes went wide. "M-Maxine Caulfield!"

"Max, never Maxine," I said, a response that was at this point nearly Pavlovian.

"Right," Kate replied, her gaze falling away, "sorry."

A painful silence grew between us. As the stares from down the hallway started to feel like they were burning me to ash, I finally spoke, "So… can I come in?"

Kate's lips flapped uselessly a few moments before she managed to choke out, "Of course," I stepped inside, and she closed the door behind me. "Um… Just, have a seat anywhere."

As much as I wanted to cuddle Alice, it would be rude to not sit at this point. So I sat on the futon as I tried to tease out just how close… or how far apart Kate and I were in this reality. She wasn't in my phone. She called me Maxine. And given that look of surprise on her face, I would say it was safe to say we were practically strangers. I didn't even know what to say to her.

Kate didn't sit. She stood in the middle of the room, fidgeting a bit as she cast glances at me. "Um, can I… get you something?"

My head turned to the side, where I knew she kept her electric kettle. "How about tea?"

"You like tea?" Kate asked.

"Very much so," I replied, giving a genuine smile for what had to be the first time all day.

Kate moved to set up the kettle and started setting out the supplies. Instead of her usual, tranquil routine, her hands shook and she stumbled about, rearranging things over and over. "Is it okay if I ask why you're here?" she asked, not looking up at me.

_Because I want to be your friend again._

"I…" Try as I might, I just couldn't find an excuse to actually be in what was essentially a stranger's room. I leaned in, helping Kate arrange everything as I tried to just speak my feelings. "I think I made some mistakes in my life. I don't want… not getting the chance to be your friend to be one of them." Once everything was in place, I looked up to see Kate staring back at me. No, I think she was _glaring_ at me. "Kate?"

"S-so what is this, then?" she asked, her voice strained. "Another mean prank?"

For a reason I couldn't really place, I found myself petrified. It took every bit of willpower I had to give my head a tiny shake. "I just wanted to have tea with you."

Kate clenched her hands into tight fists as she lowered her gaze, her eyes fixating on the table with everything perfectly laid out. Only then did it strike me where I fucked up. I did that. I shouldn't know how to arrange everything. Kate and I didn't have weekly tea sessions in this timeline.

I couldn't take it back. Rewinding would've put all of Arcadia Bay at risk, throwing away this terrible, perfect world. "Kate, I…" My words died in my throat as my thoughts refused to let themselves be heard. The horrible, unbelievable truth that was me. "I'll go if you want me to," I finally said, my voice little more than a whisper.

"What does it even matter? You're just going to humiliate me again, right?" Kate bit back as tears broke free, streaming down her face.

_Humiliate her? What?_

My stomach heaved, threatening to send bile up my throat. In this reality, I really was a Vortex Club cunt. Would I really have hurt Kate like that? On purpose? Could five years have made me such a fundamentally different person?

I hugged myself tightly, feeling my own throat constrict as my eyes burned. "I-I-I'm sorry, Kate. If I hurt you, I'm sorry. Please believe me."

"Just… just go! Go and do whatever terrible thing it is that you're going to do," Kate said to me, each word burning with hurt and fear.

I stood, heading for the door. "Kate I… I'll earn your forgiveness, no matter what. I promise you that."

Alone in the hall, I felt cold and empty. I treated Warren like a slave. I hurt Kate so deeply that she distrusted me.

_How can I fix this?_

There was only one person who I knew who I could open up to, given that I still lacked the courage to call Chloe and let her know that her Max was gone. A few hurried steps and I stopped in front of Victoria's door. Unlike with Kate's, I didn't hesitate. I rapped on the door, urgently wanting to be inside. The moment it opened, I rushed inside, not even waiting for Victoria to invite me in.

"Max? What's wrong?" Victoria asked, following after me.

I stopped in the middle of the room, still hugging myself. "What… what did we—did I—do to Kate?"

Victoria walked by me to her laptop, leaning over her desk and closing out a few things. After she pulled her social media page up, she pulled out the chair, holding out a hand to offer me the seat. "M'lady," she cooed, her voice mellifluous.

It stirred something in me, just the way she said it. I felt light and just a little dizzy. The next thing I knew, I was seated in the comfy chair, as if I'd been in a trance and drawn into it. Then, Victoria leaned over me to her computer again, scrolling through her posts.

We were so close, her chest was literally on my shoulder and I could smell her perfume. It was an eerily familiar scent that filled me with calm and a strange sort of deja vu. This definitely wasn't the perfume the Victoria from the original timeline used. Was it mere chance, or the wonderful, intoxicating feeling it gave me that made her wear it?

"Aha! Here we go."

Breaking out of my thoughts, I looked away from Victoria to find a picture on the screen. What little comfort I had found left me. It was a picture of me and Kate. My mouth fell open as I saw it. We were kissing—making out, really. It made me feel sick, seeing myself doing something I don't remember and that I just couldn't imagine myself doing. This was just a small taste of the hell Kate went through in the original timeline.

"I-I don't understand, I thought we were dating?" I asked, unable to pull my eyes away. At least until I felt a buzzing in my head and the faint, distant sounds of making out echoed in my ears. My hands slapped the table as I stood and turned my back.

I felt a firm hand on my shoulder. "Max? Are you okay?" Victoria asked.

"I… I almost fell into the past. I didn't even know that worked with digital photos," I said.

"Fell into the past?" Victoria parroted my words.

I shrugged her hand off before turning around to face her. For the first time since I came in, I actually saw Victoria's face. It looked… so different. Rarely had I caught a glimpse of this Victoria, devoid of her makeup. Her lips were paler than I remembered and her skin far from smooth and flawless. It was… refreshing, seeing her untouched face all bunched up as her brow furrowed in confusion.

"I told you before," I said, my voice softer than I intended. "If I focus on a photo with me in it, I'll revisit that point in time for a few minutes. It almost happened just now."

A single brow rose. "You're serious?"

How could she still not believe me about all this shit? "Fucking, yes, Victoria! I could almost feel her lips on mine," I bit back.

Victoria held up her hands. "Hey, no need to bite my head off. Even you have to admit that this whole mess is fucked up."

Sighing, I grabbed my arm. "That's putting it mildly. My eyes trailed back over to the glow of the monitor. "So… Kate. What happened?"

Victoria's smile returned, but this one wasn't warm. It made me feel a little uneasy. "It was a brilliant prank," she said. "Rachel sussed out that our little church mouse was a closet gay. Then all it took was a little flirting from you, and we outed that little holier than thou bitch."

My stomach turned as I raced back over the screen. That photo… it was shared with everyone. Kate's family. Her church. We didn't just embarrass and humiliate her. We outed her to the whole world. The bile rose again, and I couldn't hold it. I pulled my hair back as I leaned to the side and purged into the waste bin.

"Jesus! Max, what the hell?" Victoria shouted as she rushed over to help me keep my hair away from my mouth.

I purged a second time before my body stopped retching. "S-sorry," I muttered, spitting out the remnants of the bile in my mouth.

"Come on," Victoria said, gently pulling me away from the bin. "Let's get you to the bathroom. Okay?"

After rinsing out my mouth and brushing my teeth, Victoria helped me back to her room. There, I curled up into a ball on her bed. Victoria sat next to me. Leaning over, she rubbed my back as I tried to calm down. But I just couldn't. I didn't want to hear the answer, but I just had to know. "Who… whose idea was it to do something so horrible?"

"Ours, Maxi," Victoria said. "Bitch deserved it. All her abstinence bullshit and how she always chastised us and everyone else about our personal lives. Now she knows how it feels to have someone judge your personal life."

"Kate wouldn't do that," I muttered. My eyes squeezed shut, sending tears down my cheeks. "She wouldn't."

"Like hell, she wouldn't. We were making out in the hall and she butts in, saying we'll get in trouble if someone sees us. So we went to my room, and not ten fucking minutes later security is knocking on the door," Victoria said, huffing. "That little bitch ratted us out and we nearly got caught. So we called Rachel and got to brainstorming to get her back. We did. Moral of the story? Do _not_ fuck with us."

Kate would never do that. It was a coincidence, or someone trying to frame her. But I knew Kate. It wasn't her, and we did something so awful to her. _I_ did that. For _nothing_.

I covered my head with my hands as I curled tighter into myself, wishing I could just collapse into nothing and stop existing. Even Victoria's ministrations and soft words did little to ease the pain in my heart. I wasn't just some snobby teen douching it up with the Vortex Club.

I was a monster.


	5. Smoke Break

In the end, I fell asleep on Victoria's bed, in her arms. I awoke a couple of hours later, my face still sticky from my tears and snot. For her part, Victoria was over on her computer, reading something with this intense look on her face. "What time is it?" I muttered as I sat up.

Victoria sent me a glance before going back to her laptop. "A little after eight."

"I feel like shit," I muttered, holding my aching head and my stomach protesting. It was like a bad hangover and a mild flu combined. As miserable as I felt, some part of me screamed that I deserved much worse.

Closing her laptop, Victoria scooted her chair back to look at me directly. "Why don't you clean yourself up a bit and we'll step out for a smoke?"

Though I had no interest in getting stoned with her, I really did need to wash my face. I didn't say anything to her. I just nodded and got up, heading for the door and out into the hall. The moment I left her room, my gaze traveled to the next door over. No sign of Kate. Part of me was relieved. Part of me was disappointed. I didn't apologize properly last time. I didn't even realize just how much I'd fucked up and needed to grovel for her forgiveness.

_Like I deserve her forgiveness after what I did._

I went to the showers, used the sink to clean up a bit, and spent the better part of ten minutes just staring at my face. It was the same. Every freckle in its place. The only difference I could make out was the haunted eyes. Haunted by things I couldn't forget. By things I couldn't remember. How could this be the same person?

Was I either of them?

Stumbling out of the showers, I found Victoria waiting for me, leaning against the wall by her door. She jerked her head to the side, urging me to come along with her as she headed for the door. I didn't want to. I wanted to go wallow in my self-hatred. But I just couldn't bring myself to really snub her like that. No matter what, she alone stood as practically my only friend in this world. The only one I could talk to, anyway.

When we got to the stairwell, we didn't head down. We went up. My skin crawled and my stomach heaved as I realized just where it was she led me to. The last place on Earth I wanted to be—except the Dark Room—the dorm roof. Would my actions push Kate back up there again?

A little voice buzzed in the back of my head, telling me that I could fix it. Photo jumps saved all of Arcadia Bay. Jefferson's victims. Rachel Amber. William Price. They saved Kate from the storm, too. I definitely could use that picture to jump back. To destroy that image and never so callously flay Kate's personal life.

Not even a day went by, and already my vow to never use this power again lay in tatters. I already rewound once, and now I considered jumping back. At least this time using my power would be for a damn good reason. I outed her. That's something that can't be taken back or undone.

Not without my power.

My numb ascent halted as Vic stood by the door to the roof. "Come on, Maxi. You'll feel better after a smoke." She opened the door before dramatically sweeping an arm, inviting me out to my living nightmare.

Stomach churning in protest, I stepped forward. What choice did I have? The cold October air swept by me, stealing my warmth. As well it should have. Somehow, in a world where everything turned out right, I became a cold, empty shell of the person I thought I was. The painful truth mocked me. As much as I didn't want to face it… this _was_ me. A me with only a few years of different experiences. How could someone so easily twisted by those around her be trusted with an ability that could literally destroy the world?

I stumbled as an arm fell around my shoulders. "You're so tense," she cooed.

"How?" I muttered, my breath fogging the cold air. "How am I… Me?"

"Max, you're getting in your own head, and that's never a good thing," Victoria said as she dragged me over to the ledge. She sat there like it wouldn't be fatal should she fall back and off the roof. Instead of a joint or some other illicit thing like I expected, Victoria produced a cigarette and a lighter. "You need to just take in the serene night air and relax." Plucking the cigarette between her lips, Victoria sparked her lighter, bathing her pale features in a warm glow for but a moment. "Come on. It'll make you feel better."

I rubbed my hands together, both satisfying my need to fidget and feebly trying to stave off the cold. The next thing I knew, Victoria, cigarette stuck between her lips, leaned over, rummaging around in my bag. I didn't even remember having it on me. From inside, she pulled out a small case I didn't recognize. It flicked open to reveal a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

Another wave of disgust roiled through me.

I couldn't even bring myself to protest as she stuck one in my mouth and used my lighter to hold a flame to the tip. My body reacted on its own. I inhaled, tasting the acrid smoke as it burned its way down my throat and my fingers found the butt. Exhaling the bitter smoke, I pulled the cigarette from my lips, just staring at it between my fingers.

The daze shattered when I felt a hand on my back. I stiffened up before I realized it was Victoria. Just another attempt to comfort me, or be intimate, or… something. I tried not to act too weird as she traced small circles. "Feeling better?" she asked, her voice a mellifluous whisper.

I breathed in another disgusting puff from the cigarette. I did feel better. Some of the jitteriness left me, my head hurt less, even my stomach settled down. But inside, I hated myself just a bit more. I didn't just smoke. I was fucking addicted. Half my malaise all this time must've been a nicotine fit, and my dumbass didn't even realize. I breathed in more from the thing I thought I'd never touch. Though, in the grand scheme of things, this was nothing. Not like the new five-year rift I'd put between Chloe and me. My grand betrayal of Kate.

Glancing over at Victoria, her cigarette all but gone, and I just couldn't understand it. How did she even function at all after Kate's suicide attempt? This new crisis didn't affect her, either. But did she even know how close Kate came to giving in to despair?

"You're quiet. More than normal," Victoria said, her hand moving to rest on my shoulder. "Talk to me."

My voice cracked as I snapped at her, "What are we even doing here?"

"Max…" she said, pulling her hand away. "S-sorry, I just…"

"No," I said, holding my head in my hands. Now I felt even worse, pushing away the only person left that I could even talk to. "It's not… You didn't…" I couldn't even find the words. Before I could stop it, tears started streaming down my face. I didn't even know why. This was my victory, right? A world where I fixed everything.

Did I fix anything?

I felt warm arms around me as a softness pressed into my side. Victoria didn't say anything. Or maybe she did. Just soft murmurs that I could hear between my gasping and sobbing. Despite everything, it did seem to soothe my frayed emotions. Slowly, reality crept back in as my sobs subsided, bringing in a numbness and a startling clarity.

I broke it again. My power saved a thousand lives, but I just couldn't get it right. Not all the way. Would another jump set it right? I could undo the damage to Kate for sure. But there wasn't a fix for Chloe. No matter what I did, I would never be able to close that gap. She forgave me before, in another reality. This is different. Just five years, but everything changed so, so much.

"Here."

I looked up, seeing a sleek little flask dangling from Victoria's hand. My throat burned again, this time from the sting of alcohol. I didn't know what it was, or even why I grabbed it and drank so greedily. A warmth stormed through my belly.

"Damn, Max," Victoria said as she retrieved the flask, shaking it to find it nearly empty. Turning it up, she downed what remained. Detangling herself from me, Victoria stowed her flask. "If you wanted to party, you should've just said so."

Shaking my head, I kept my eyes locked on my hands, balled up in my lap. The little stump of a cigarette between my fingers. "No. I don't want that."

Victoria leaned forward, flashing me a smile. "Remember the last time we were here? A few nights ago. It was warmer, and you scored us some nice green."

My insides twisted, a flare of rage tearing through me. "I told you before, I can't remember anything! Nothing that happened in the last five years!" After snapping at her, again, I felt regret wash over me. "Sorry," I muttered, not even really understanding why she put up with my nonsense. I wasn't the person she thought I was.

Wrapping her arms around herself, she stared off, straight ahead. "So you didn't experience the past five years through some fucking magic or science fiction shit or whatever. That doesn't erase what we've been through. It doesn't… it doesn't make those memories not exist." She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. "You wanted me to tell you about the shit you can't remember, right? Why don't I tell you what I remember, and you tell me what you remember?"

It sounded like it made sense. My body seemed to crave this damned cigarette and I didn't even hesitate when she offered the flask. I didn't remember anything, but my body sure seemed to be familiar with what was going on. The worst of it, though…

"You don't want to know about the last time I was here," I warned her, images of Kate's desperate face flashing through my memories. A deep, shuddering breath, and I shook my head. "I don't…"

"Come on," Victoria said as she stood, her ice-cold hand grabbing mine. "We can talk about this inside where it's warm."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not dead! Sorry it's taking so long to update things. I'm going to try to keep on updating at least one thing a week on the weekend.


End file.
